Tuesday, April 13, 2010

门口。。。


“门口

我们以屋子的客厅为中心,总说入睡房进厨房等等,唯独途经大门说成出门。然而,这个逻辑家猫们不懂,可能视大门外头为另一个更大的房间,经常会伺机跑‘进’去,好奇地四处嗅吸搜索然后再倒地磨蹭以便留下其体味。

大门里外给予我的感觉是休息对活动,或说简单对繁复,抑或者是内心对上外在。出门时总是将内在外在装备起来,回家后一越过门槛装备便逐一卸下,恢复原状。

当父母还健在的时候,母亲经常立于铁门后遥望远处,似等待儿女回家然而其真正原因却是她下肢已大不如前,出门时必须由家人搀扶。每回从父母亲那儿或步行或骑脚车回家途中总要回头望向门口,看看父亲在屋里往门外探头的剪影。

以前住羽球馆旁松巷的旧屋时,前后门都没装铁门, 除了深夜,平时两道门多数是敞开的,邻居、小孩、猫儿以及鸡只都能自由出入。大门的最大作用就只限于晚间最后一个人将之关上,以便安心就寝。白天门框上有人坐着干活,还是站着话家常,或者斜靠着做白日梦。每天的芝麻绿豆、红白喜事都在门前上演, 那是我小时候观察人生、塑造性格的地方。

倘若当时的门户敞开叫着放任,如今的铁门深锁便可视为极度的约束了。以前猫儿和小孩一样在屋里屋外四处戏耍着,如今却被安全地眷养在房子的铁门内,如囚禁一样。自己偶尔站在铁门处眺望景致,却不知昔时母亲的思绪和我所想的是否一样?


Clearly, doors are just a way to get into rooms and/or out of a house. However, our cats never seem to get the picture; they possibly regard every back of a door be another space where they can explore and possess…

To me, the significance of “door” is about at rest versus at work; about simple against complex; about inner against outer thoughts… admittedly, every so often we screen our actual persona behind doors for we are convinced we are or would be vulnerable every time we venture out of the door…

Nevertheless, many things lure us outside the door. Many years ago, mother would often stand and looked into the distance behind those iron gate; maybe due to curiosity, maybe waiting for visitors due to loneliness for she needed support to move around as she could no longer come and go as she desire. I don’t usually spent a lot of time looking at doors, but during those days when they were still around, I would tried to keep my eyes on my parent’s door whenever I pass by hoping to catch father’s silhouette on the door.

Nowadays, it’s pretty normal for every house to install Iron Gate; doors and gates are often shut both in the day and night. It’s really been a long, long time where doors were only fastens for bedtime. It was fun having neighbors, children, cats and chickens moving freely in and out of doors. It’s also a pleasure having people day dreaming, chatting or just leaning against the doors. In fact, it is through the happenings at these doors that help shape my persona and outlook on life…



Having said all that, if it’s taking a laissez-faire attitude to leave the door and gates open; it is extreme restriction to bolt ourselves behind doors. In my younger days, cat and children ramble without restraint outside the house most of the time; now, they are raised inside to have a much safer, healthier life though may be akin to be chained behind bars…..

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